Meet Mr. Mitchell Mallory

My name is Mitch. I am 23, I am addicted to sports, and I am partially responsible for this sports mess. To understand my plight, you must know my history. My "roots," if you will. I was born at age 0 apparently, and as far as I know it was in Yekaterinburg, Russia. Or something. Nobody wanted or loved me, so I spent time mulling around Russia's semi-professional athletes, since nobody loved or wanted them either. At age 7, I was sold into some sort of profession that involved picking lice off circus monkeys and riding a small pink tricycle around the mean streets of Decatur, Illinois. During this time I was not able to experience the '85 Bears, because I was 7-10 years too late. Instead, I found a happy obsession with Rashaan Salaam since there were no other good Chicago teams during the years of 1984-1998...right?

Anyways, I now live in and out of gutters and sewage pipes in Armadillo, Texas and spend most of my time thinking about more efficient ways to bail hay into trucks I steal from neighbors. I play several Tupperware instruments such as the plate, bowl, and cup in a kitchen rock band called The Yarrow.