Funny Experiences

Lately, I've had a few experiences in California that have been life-changing. Like, the kind which I'll probably need 13 years of intensive electro-shock therapy just to try and forget. I've really tried to avoid talking about them, but my therapist, Dr. Nick Riveria (Contact him by calling 1-600-DOCTORB), said a blog/note was the only way to deal. So, without further ado, I present, in order, Roxi Rainbow and Thug.

1) Roxi: A few weeks ago, a friend, David Joshua Goodtimes Harris IV and I, spent a lovely afternoon at Seal Beach. Upon getting out of my car at CVS Pharmacy, we saw an older woman in a nice BMW convertible. As we walked into the store we heard, "Hey baby. Hey baby! Come here, this music is HUGE in Amsterdam." Of course, my entire life is lived so as to have a good story, so we immediately went to talk to this gorgeous (in her words) woman, of whom I've attached a photo. For the next hour, we heard how this woman, Roxi Rainbow, is the lead singer of a rock band who will win a Grammy, a French heiress, owns a Bentley and many other luxury cars, owns houses in Laguna Beach and around the UK, wanted to take us to a Finnish death metal concert in her limousine that night, is incredibly desirable and all men want her (in her words), etc. The highlights (or lowlights, depending on your viewpoint) included her filthy language, which was hilarious in a low-brow way, her continual touching and rubbing Dave's hair, which I egged on by saying things like "Oh Davey, your hair is soooooo cute," her saying she donates 2/3 of her money to kids, and us saying "We're kids and we love money" (she ignored it) and saying she bought her boyfriend a Corvette and me saying "Oh yeah, I LOVE Corvettes, I'd love to drive one." In the end, I don't know what her intentions were, but the autographed photo of her in a bikini made my life complete and ruined my life simultaneously.


2) Thug. After leaving Huntington Beach, my good friend Stephanie Jean Soaring Duck Falling Leaf Rodriguez Ramirez Edwards and I were driving to Los Alamitos with David Joshua Goodtimes Harris IV following us in his car. At a stoplight, David started yelling at Stephanie, mimicking White Trash Guy. Stephanie yelled back and a good time was had by all. Except Thug. As this was going on, Thug pulled up in his thugmobile next to us, rolled down his window, and began listening intently on this fake yelling match. At the next stoplight, Steph and I notice Thus pulling up next to David. We see him roll down his window, then unleash a tapestry of obscenity, telling David if he wants to "mess" (edited version) with someone, then he should "mess" with him, not a girl. After Dave explained the situation, Thug was ok with it and drove off amicably. However, we laughed for hours after.