It continues...

stolen from www.28merchandise.com 

This is Just LINsane

You know, with all the hype surrounding Jeremy Lin, I really wanted to join in. I wanted to put my two cents in regarding hype, the Twitter era, nonstop coverage, the race factor, how much America loves an underdog, and all sorts of fantastic insight.

Then, I found this t shirt. I feel like enough has been said.

image taken from 28merchandise.com. I don't claim to own this image, but rather to stand in AWE of it.

Mormon Basketball, or, 10 Jimmers and Nobody Else

Mormon Basketball

Last night I have the horror of honor of attending a Mormon basketball game. I say attending, rather than playing, because as I was about to take part in the next round of brutality, something crazy happened that caused last night to be one of the weirdest/worst of my life (seriously). But that’s another story. This, my friends, is a tale of Mormon basketball: the brawl that begins with prayer.

*First, a disclaimer: I am white, Mormon, and occasionally think I’m decent at basketball. Thus all my comments and observations are made under that assumption, and as much as I want to act like I’m different from the carnage I’m describing, I am actually a big contributor to it.

So, every white Mormon guy, ages 11-75, thinks he is great at basketball. Nay, AMAZING at basketball. I dare say they might even compare themselves to Jimmer. (More on Jimmer later). The ascension of Jimmer Fredette has been the absolute WORST development for LDS basketball that has ever happened. Why? Because now, whenever a guy takes a ridiculously long 3 point shot (happens 12,000 times each game), no matter how many he misses, when one FINALLY drops, the name “Jimmer” will immediately be said up to 7 times. ALWAYS. (As in, "Dude, you shot that from Jimmer range!" or "Bro, you're like Jimmer!" or the wretched "Jimmertastic!")

We have a court full of 30-somethings, more jiggle than muscle, rumbling/trudging up and down the court launching 3’s and occasionally passing. Very occasionally. It’s just crazy how EVERY white Mormon guy in the gym thinks he’s the best on the floor. (I say white Mormon because I’ve played with other ethnicities in California, Florida, Hawaii, New Zealand, Fiji, and Australia and, varying by ethnicity, they either ARE really good, don’t care that much and don’t pretend/think they’re good, or just play rugby. Only the white guys are “superstars,” at least in their own minds.)

Remember every derogatory comment made about Jimmer Fredette, both throughout his college career, and also into his NBA days? I.e. shoots too much, black hole on offense, no defense, irrationally confident, etc? Not only are those comments FULLY accurate for a typical Mormon ballgame, but they are almost prophetic. You think you’ve seen a black hole? Wait until #54 gets the ball. He would seriously shoot from half court if the game flow allowed it. Nonetheless, he shot from everywhere else. How many passes did I spy? One—and that was to inbound the ball. How many shots did he make? Perhaps 3 layups (with at least 2 missed layups, 4 running hookshot airballs, 6 LONG 3’s, and a plethora of other cringe-inducing misses.)

The best part about Mormon ball is the fact that inevitably, someone becomes the “alpha dog.” (It’s really too bad LeBron didn’t attend his Akron weekly ward activities). Last night, it was the balding orthodontist, who decided his way of “encouraging” teammates would be saying things like “Not the kind of shot we needed, chief” and “Hit me, I’ll make that 3 next time.” It would have been funny if it didn’t make me sad and slightly terrified.

And, inevitably, the arguing. Oh, the arguing. Without question, when the game gets close, the phantom fouls increase tenfold. Suddenly, a clean strip turns into a foul (it’s always call your own, you know) and results in possession at the top of the key. Which inevitably results in muttered comments like “Where’s the blood?” or “Seriously dude? Grow a pair.” It’s actually nice that profanity isn’t (generally) used, but it does make the insults and arguments a lot more entertaining. (Try getting REALLY angry and/or shouting at someone while using 100% appropriate-for-grandma’s-ears language. It takes real creativity!) It always gets tense when the score gets close and the clock ticks down, but to this day, I’ve never witnessed actually blood flow—and last night was no different.

Lastly, the irony of it all is when the game ends, guys are huffing like they’ve just finished the Boston Marathon, emotions are running high, tension is thick, and then…a closing prayer. Not only that, but the fact that many of the dudes (usually the winners initiate this) try to shake hands and/or pretend no bad blood exists. In Mormon basketball, nothing is icier than the extended handshake met with a pushing away by the opponent. It’s pretty much a modern-day challenge to a duel. Only in this case, everyone goes and rounds up their kids, grabs their baby carriers, and scurries out to their SUV’s/minivans.

All I’m saying is there is nothing like it. Nothing. I’ve been to hundreds of concerts and sporting events. I’ve seen Broadway. I’ve swam with sharks and jumped out of airplanes. But NOTHING in this world compares to the cheap thrills of watching a Mormon basketball game in all its glory.

Sports, National Anthems, & Whitney Houston

Upon recently hearing of the death of Whitney Houston, I caught myself thinking of some of her music and how effortless she made a lot of singing look. Honestly, criticize what you want about her life decisions, but you have to respect her musical talent and voice. I found myself searching through various youtube videos of her and was pretty amazed.

That led me to this video:

What has happened to our national anthems in today's sporting events? It was nearly 30 years ago yet I was AMAZED about how many U.S. flags I saw people holding and wearing. That's right, people were actually draped in them. Now either our country nowadays has way less amounts of patriotism or people back then had too much. I am leaning towards the former. At a recent NBA game I saw many who chose not to even take off their hats or even face the flag during the national anthem.

Lack of actual research on the subject (which I hope to follow up and validate later), has me searching through my memories for a national anthem that has been sung that well in the past 10 years....actually ever. Keep tuned in for a follow up with actual evidence.

Is OK Go a real band?

Yes, they are real humans. And yes, they play real songs. And as far as I know, they write their own songs (unlike MANY Disney machine “artists,” country “artists,” tween pop “stars,” etc). But I have to wonder at this point: Is OK Go a real band?

First off, I want you all to know something: Before they were YouTube stars, OK Go actually released a single and hosted that AWFUL Channel One show they made us watch in high school. I remember watching, hearing them and thinking “Hah, I heard this song ages ago” because it was released in the late 90’s or early 2000’s. And I remember something in the music video about ping pong (I think). If you know the song/video, please send it my way. (Wait, just found it, song’s called “Get Over It.” From 2003. No viral video here, just a normal “band in a room” video.)

So yeah, before the videos, they were a normal band. Now I’m not saying anything except to think about this: When you think of OK Go, do you think “Great band” or “Crappy band” or whatever, or do you think “Great videos” or “Crappy videos” or whatever? I’m guessing it’s the latter, which brings up an interesting conundrum: Doesn’t a band want to be known for its music? Is OK Go just another YouTube celebrity that happens to play music?

I know you remember that treadmill video that sort of shot them into superstardom, and I felt the same way I do now, that they have mediocre music set to interesting videos. Without their videos, would they have people posting on YouTube: “OMG, they are so good and singer is so hawt!”? Doubtful.

The whole point of this isn’t to rip on them. I don’t care if you do or don’t like OK Go, but I do think their new Super Bowl premiering video brings the argument to a new level. Namely, they made a 4 minute ad for the new Chevy Sonic. I know that music and advertising are hand-in-hand (VANS Warped Tour, HONDA Civic Tour, etc) but is this the first time a music video has been a full-on advertisement? Does it mean OK Go is just into selling Chevys now? How are they different from the AWFUL FreeCreditReport.com band?

I don’t know the answers and really I’m just putting it out there. I don’t care all that much about OK Go, I just wonder if they are first and foremost a rock band? A viral video crew? A sales team? 

Why the Patriots Lost the Super Bowl

My years in high school were spent doing precisely three things: playing Halo, streaking, and trying (and subsequently failing) to attract a girlfriend. My failure with the latter could most likely be attributed to the two former activities listed. I often thought that my investment in playing Halo was a considerable waste of time until I recently caught myself reflecting on the Super Bowl. At this point you might be asking what in the world does playing Halo have to do with the Super Bowl? Well let me do my best to explain...

I, like every teenage Halo nerd of my generation, sought to be the best of all of my friends at Halo. Hours, nights (yes even Friday nights), and weekends were spent honing my skills and playing against online competitors and friends. It was a tremendous waste of time but I noticed one thing. My extreme desire to be the best, over time in fact made me one of the best. I consistently won matches and became the envy of many fellow Halo nerds. Even though my skills were probably only above average, it was my desire coupled with my skills that actually made me great. Sans desire, I probably would have been just an above average Halo player.

That leads us to the Patriots. The Patriots have been one of the premier teams in the NFL for over 10 years. Watching them win game after game, Super Bowl after Super Bowl, for nearly 4 years from 2002-2005 made you realize one thing about them...they wanted, more than any other team, to WIN. In fact, not just win, but DESTROY teams. That desire, coupled with their core of very talented players, made them one of the funnest teams to watch because they won and pulled off miraculous victories. Sure some games were too close for comfort, but you could still see that they WANTED to win and they did. This was the case, it seems, for EVERY Patriot player and coach.

The Patriots of the past 4 years, meanwhile, have been definitely above average. Two Super Bowl appearances (2008, 2012) is nothing to be modest about. What seems to have been different however, is that their killer instinct, win or die, F-You attitude has almost all but disappeared. It has been replaced by a coach and a star player who seem content to rely on past victories to remain relevant. Players choose to party after a Super Bowl loss as if they had just participated in a Super Bowl win (http://content.usatoday.com/communities/thehuddle/post/2012/02/rob-gronkowski-dacing-patriots-post-game-party/1?csp=hf).

Is my view on these Patriots too harsh? Perhaps, but in the end I don't feel that people will mention an almost undefeated season and two Super Bowl losses in the annals of NFL greatness. Championships are what define greatness nowadays. Tom Brady and Wes Welker were notably remorse after the game which shows that maybe not all players on the Patriots squad shook off the big loss like a preseason game. One thing I know though, is that the Patriots of 2002-2005 would have not gone out like the Patriots of 2012. 

My Kanye post from his Taylor Swift "Fiasco"

*Just worth a re-read seeing how his album, put out AFTER this experience, sold 600,000 units...in a WEEK. People forgave, forgot, and re-worshipped him, and his doing this stunt put him back in the limelight where he "needs" to be*

Kanye West is a genius.

Before you go calling for my head or praising Taylor Swift, hear me out. This has nothing to do with him as a person. We all know he’s an egotistical jerk. We’ve known that for years, since his other string of outbursts and low-blows on other artists. He’s been doing it for years and you’ve still bought his albums and we’ve all decided he’s a great musician. The fact that he’s a schmuck doesn’t matter when it comes to his albums, as evidenced by the fact that everything he touches goes triple platinum minimum. We hate the dude but buy his music. Hmmmm.

Now, on September 13, 2009, Kanye rushed the stage, took the mic from Taylor Swift, moaned about Beyonce not winning an award, and that was it. Or was it?

In less than one minute, Kanye became relevant again. His last album, 808s & Heartbreak, was released 11 months before the VMA’s. Kanye needed to become relevant again. You think a guy with an ego like his likes being out of the spotlight for 11 months? Interestingly enough, Jay-Z’s The Blueprint III had just come out 2 days earlier. Think Kanye liked letting Jay-Z bask in hip-hop’s glow?

In less than one minute, Kanye became The Man again. In less than one minute, Kanye was the most famous music artist, if not person, in the world. Top 3 on Google searches. #1 on Twitter. Think that’s by chance?

West was supposedly seen drinking from a bottle on the red carpet prior to the show and many have decided he did it because he was drunk. Really? I don’t know the real story, nor does anyone, but if you think this guy’s not scripted and calculated in every moment of his life, you’re missing the point.

Now, on to the fact the world hates him now. Let me tell you one thing: Rap music does not sell on good reputations. Nor does R&B or whatever genre you want to say Kanye West is. A few examples:

Eminem was involved in gun charges, drug and alcohol abuse and addiction, and was sued by his own mother, just to name a few. Did any of that stop his albums from selling through the roof? Even after disappearing for 5 years, his albumRelapse sold over 2 million copies in under 3 months. So much for being a bad person affecting record sales, huh?

R. Kelly was videotaped having sex with what appeared to be an underaged girl. The charge of child pornography was eventually dropped, but while he was entangled in the scandal, his album Chocolate Factory went on to sell over 2 million copies in the USA. So Americans don’t have a problem supporting a child pornographer, are they really going to hate Kanye for taking a mic for 30 seconds?

The list is endless. Lil’ Wayne’s 2008-2009 tour grossed over $42 million dollars, despite Wayne having battled with marijuana, cocaine and guns charges within the last couple years. Get it in your heads, America: Rap music thrives on the kind of controversy Kanye West just created.

So say what you want about Kanye. Is he a bad person? Probably. Has he been threatened with repercussion by MTV and others? Yes, but any follow through is doubtful. Call him what you like, but remember he became immediately famous and relevant from 30 seconds of spotlight. When his next album goes six times platinum, remember I called it first: Kanye West is a genius.

Funny Experiences

Lately, I've had a few experiences in California that have been life-changing. Like, the kind which I'll probably need 13 years of intensive electro-shock therapy just to try and forget. I've really tried to avoid talking about them, but my therapist, Dr. Nick Riveria (Contact him by calling 1-600-DOCTORB), said a blog/note was the only way to deal. So, without further ado, I present, in order, Roxi Rainbow and Thug.

1) Roxi: A few weeks ago, a friend, David Joshua Goodtimes Harris IV and I, spent a lovely afternoon at Seal Beach. Upon getting out of my car at CVS Pharmacy, we saw an older woman in a nice BMW convertible. As we walked into the store we heard, "Hey baby. Hey baby! Come here, this music is HUGE in Amsterdam." Of course, my entire life is lived so as to have a good story, so we immediately went to talk to this gorgeous (in her words) woman, of whom I've attached a photo. For the next hour, we heard how this woman, Roxi Rainbow, is the lead singer of a rock band who will win a Grammy, a French heiress, owns a Bentley and many other luxury cars, owns houses in Laguna Beach and around the UK, wanted to take us to a Finnish death metal concert in her limousine that night, is incredibly desirable and all men want her (in her words), etc. The highlights (or lowlights, depending on your viewpoint) included her filthy language, which was hilarious in a low-brow way, her continual touching and rubbing Dave's hair, which I egged on by saying things like "Oh Davey, your hair is soooooo cute," her saying she donates 2/3 of her money to kids, and us saying "We're kids and we love money" (she ignored it) and saying she bought her boyfriend a Corvette and me saying "Oh yeah, I LOVE Corvettes, I'd love to drive one." In the end, I don't know what her intentions were, but the autographed photo of her in a bikini made my life complete and ruined my life simultaneously.


2) Thug. After leaving Huntington Beach, my good friend Stephanie Jean Soaring Duck Falling Leaf Rodriguez Ramirez Edwards and I were driving to Los Alamitos with David Joshua Goodtimes Harris IV following us in his car. At a stoplight, David started yelling at Stephanie, mimicking White Trash Guy. Stephanie yelled back and a good time was had by all. Except Thug. As this was going on, Thug pulled up in his thugmobile next to us, rolled down his window, and began listening intently on this fake yelling match. At the next stoplight, Steph and I notice Thus pulling up next to David. We see him roll down his window, then unleash a tapestry of obscenity, telling David if he wants to "mess" (edited version) with someone, then he should "mess" with him, not a girl. After Dave explained the situation, Thug was ok with it and drove off amicably. However, we laughed for hours after.

Response to TrueHoop and Note of Who the Real Victims Are (aka Earl the Usher)

Thanks to Henry Abbott and TrueHoop for posting my blog yesterday and especially for raising the biggest point I completely forgot. (Side note—I wrote that blog after receiving some big, bad news from home. I guess if I was an emo kid, I would have written sad poetry or something…but alas, I’m just a member of Generation WTF and thus I missed a huge point I should have hit).

Henry made the point that fans are not the real victims of this lockout. In fact, he said this: “I know a lot of fans are really bitter about the lack of NBA basketball. And I respect that. I'm one of them too! But my main thought has been: Be glad if only your entertainment life is at stake here. For the players and the owners and all kinds of other people in affiliated businesses, this is way more real than what they're going to watch on TV or in person. So I get a little antsy when I hear that fans are the real victims. The players are losing $2 billion a year! You're losing a TV show!”

That is the big thing I missed. First off, I have no sympathy*** (or empathy) for the players, except the rookies who are yet to get paid. Sure, they work hard. So do I. So do you. My minimum salary isn’t $400k+. Of course, people wouldn’t pay to watch me work…or would they? I’m toying around with the idea of a webcam in my office, where you can watch me update corporate Facebook statuses, argue with angry customers on Twitter, and write incredible newsletters. C’mon, you wouldn’t pay $10 a month to watch me?! Ok, bad idea. Anyways, I get that the players are losing money, but I don’t feel bad about that.

What I do feel bad about, especially in my self-absorbed post yesterday, is the fact that I failed to mention the true victims. Like Earl.

Earl is my favorite Jazz usher. I’d guess he’s probably mid 60’s or early 70’s. He always looked rad in those cool green vests the Jazz ushers wear. He was always fun to talk to, especially when I called him by name, because he acted like nobody ever had done that before. He never once remembered me, and that made him seem even cooler. By now, Earl has met my sister, brother-in-law, mom and dad, ex girlfriends, wife, and several friends. And now Earl is jobless.

Now, I really don’t know if Earl worked as an usher because he needed the money, because he was bored, or for some other reason. All I know is he can’t do it now, and that sucks to think about. There are hundreds of workers at the EnergySolutions Arena that are either on unemployment (can they get unemployment during/due to the lockout?) or finding other jobs. They are the real victims.

Just today, I heard a guy on the radio mention a restaurant in downtown SLC that I really enjoy. He then said, “Please go. They need your support, because so much of what they do depends on people coming in before and after Jazz games, and that ain’t happening.” They are the real victims.

So thanks to Henry Abbott for keeping me honest and for the reminder that yeah, us fans are bummed. I am sad to not have the distraction of NBA ball, but at least I have a job. This lockout goes far beyond typical fans like me, and that’s where I missed the ball. The real victims are the ones who have to deal with the reality of being jobless in a tough economic time. (And Delonte West, for having to apply at Home Depot and work on a furniture truck).

***Again, Mr. Abbott showed me the error of my ways in a comment. Saying I have no compassion kinda turns me into the inhumane monster, doesn't it. I don't mean that. I mean that it's hard for me to sympathize with ultra-rich, ultra-extravagant lifestyle NBA players. The grunts, and those on 10 day contracts, and those in and out of the D-League, and heck, even the ones that just seem like cool dudes, I do feel for. I can see where they're coming from, and I think my post seemed a little too narrow in my approach. Duly noted, good sir.

An Open Letter to the NBA, the (ex) NBAPA, Billy Hunter, David Stern, Derek Fisher, et al

I consider myself a pretty everyday American, as well as a fairly typical NBA fan. I graduated college 2 years ago, right when things looked at their worst economically. I recently bought my first home, got my first pet, married my first (and only) wife, and work hard all day every day to make sure we can keep chasing that dream.

I grew up in Salt Lake City, so naturally, I am (was) a huge Jazz fan. There have been times in my life when I’ve felt like the Jazz were one of the few things to wake up for. From Stockton and Malone to Williams and Boozer (and everything in between), I’ve worked some long days with the knowledge that at least I would have a game to go home to. I always made my apartment/house/parents house available for games, and it always seemed to provide a nice escape. Even when the Jazz lost, I felt like it was nice to forget the misery of work, the monotony of “adult” life, and the pressures of everything and just kick it.

See, for those of us twentysomethings, life has changed pretty drastically pretty fast. America suddenly went from the land of opportunity to the land of very diminished opportunity. I didn’t expect to graduate during a huge recession. I didn’t expect my degree to be nearly obsolete when only 2 years ago it was a quickly-growing field. I didn’t expect to get a job where my bosses would happily pull the “you’re just lucky to have a job” card when denying raises and promotions, and I DEFINITELY didn’t expect finding another job—ANY other job—to be so bloody hard. But that’s where I am, and, judging from conversations with friends, coworkers, and worldwide news stories, I am not alone in this.

But alas, this is an NBA post, not a “woe is me” rant. (And for everyone going to post about how I should stop whining, do something more, start a business, kill myself, etc: Thanks for the advice. I totally wish I would have thought of those things over the last 2 years! You are all so smart that I’m amazed you’re commenting on a no-name blog rather than curing cancer and saving kittens!)

The point of me writing this is because I feel like these are the collective feelings of a huge NBA demographic. We’re frustrated with life. We’re struggling to get by. We used to love the escapism of the NBA, not just for the sport but because it provided an outlet to get together and feel camaraderie with friends, family, strangers, and the community as a whole. Those feelings are now gone, and I don’t know if they’re coming back.

Now, I’ve noticed many of my old NBA buddies avoiding the topic altogether. We’ve all screamed and whined about the lockout, but at this point, we’re over it. We have bigger issues to worry about. I don’t know how I’m going to pay off my hospital bill—I need to focus on that, not on billionaires versus millionaires playing a horrifying game of greed and bad PR on a national/international stage.

I know the point has been made, but it’s been crazy to hear very little, if anything, about the fans in this whole deal. I agree, most people outside those parties involved have probably chosen a side, but I can’t help but feel like if the fans were mentioned more by one side—either side—they would have gained a bit more sympathy.

Instead, it’s leaked letters and emails, ridiculous Twitter campaigns, Stern coming off more like a dictator than a commissioner, and a season on the brink.

So to every Billy Hunter, David Stern, Adam Silver, Derek Fisher, etc: We don’t understand. We’ve never made $500,000 minimum salary. We’ve never owned a professional sports team. We’ve never had money guaranteed to us whether we live up to it or not. We DON’T get it. We don’t relate. And honestly, when this is all over, I don’t know how we’re going to forget all this and go back to watching basketball.